5 star Rafting

So, off we go: one very lazy and hydrophobic journalist, 2 young millionaires, 2 elder people, Emmanuelle and I to go rafting 3 days on the Landsborough river, a class 3 to 4 rafting river, very beautiful and quite remote. Have you ever felt like you were being spoiled? Well I'll tell you what being spoiled is:
First you get a ride by bus to the take off site from where the helicopter takes you to the starting point. It's a 20 minute flight through the valley of the river. You arrive at camp where you're welcomed by 2 nice ladies serving cold beer, perfectly chilled wine and hors d'oeuvres. The tents are already standing so nothing to do but enjoy this beautiful place.
The next day, after a short explanation on the basics of not drowning we paddle down the rapids for a couple of hours. We enjoy fantastic panoramas, scrumptious food, marvelous desserts and palatable wines. The weather is very cooperative as the temperature is perfect, the sun doesn't show itself too much (remember the Ozone hole is above New Zealand and the sun kicks like a mule).
By the time we had arrived to the second camp, we all get a hot showers (we’re in the middle of nowhere!), do a bit of walking and are back just in time for a 4 course dinner.
The next day back on the river, we enjoy beautiful weather, fantastic views and good fishing. (I caught me a 3 pound trout!) It was quite difficult realizing we were in the middle of nowhere. There aren’t any roads nearby and the only way in is walking or by helicopter
Once back at the hotel where we left our car: a nasty surprise awaited us: somebody had run into our car leaving a nice dent.

Busy day in NZ

Today we're going swimming with the Dolphins again! We booked twice as the dolphins are wild and so you're never sure if you get to see them. So here we go again Yay!
We take the boat out and after 20 minutes we jump in the water in the midst of about 30 dolphins. Emmanuelle and I are again very fortunate to have the dolphins come see us more than the other swimmers. I dive down and swim as fast as I possibly can, I find myself in the middle of 6 dolphins testing me. They keep the same speed as I, which to a Dolphin must be somewhere between 'not moving' and 'freaking slow'. To get me to go faster they spin around me and flash left, right, above and below past me. I'm having so much fun that I forget to breathe, it takes me 5 minutes to recover. That, of course is waaay too long for a dolphin that wants to play, so they set course for Emmanuelle and swim around her. We repeat this until I'm really on the verge of passing out. This was fantastic. I really wish I could do this every day, nothing really compares to it.

Back in Kaikoura we decide to go fishing, a couple of phone calls later, we've got ourselves a charter. First we go and check the Crayfish Pods and Hey! Emmanuelle gets a carpet shark (why is it called a Carpet Shark? Well because it smells of old, wet carpet of course) and I get not one, not two but three crayfish! Who's the better fisherman now, hey? ey? ey? ey?...

"Man hunt and fish! Woman wash and cook!" I grunt in my primal voice.

But beginners luck is more powerful than any skill... Emmanuelle, after having caught 5 sea-perch, gets a serious nibble, she works hard to raise the sea-monster from the deep aaanddd... She catches two blue cods in one haul! Catch of the day! I try to regain my honor by catching 2 small sharks, but the double-cod wins! Emmanuelle lets me know that I'd better stick to pot and pans and let her take care of business from now on. So I make a fantastic dinner out of the crayfish sea perch and blue cod at the hostel. The tree hugging, vegetarian, noodle chewing hippies look jealous. Gni gni gni.
It seems the captain and his assistant like us, as they invite us to go paintballing that same evening; I got shot 10 times and now have 5 very nice bruises on my back.

Haka, Kiwi’s and Kea’s

The Haka is a New Zealand way of expressing feelings and communicating with people. It basically goes like this: a group of armed to the teeth man jump out of the forest and run at you, they stop just out of striking range (about 2 meters) from you and Yell something like: AAAAHH WAI HAKI YAAAAKAAAAH!! while aggressively handling their weapons. They stick out their tongues and open their eyes wide.
After having recovered from our heart attack, the guide tells us they say something like: “hey mate, wazzup?” Right, I can see why early explorers might have deemed the Maoris as hostile or… crazy. I personally would have shot first and asked questions later. I try the haka myself and fail miserably. Emmanuelle tries a more feminine tradition and is very graceful at it.

Kiwi’s are nocturnal and very dumb animals. If you see one, you almost instantly get the unstoppable desire to kick it. This urge is so strong that I couldn’t resist yelling “kiiick the kiwi!” in the kiwi house, followed by a strict “sssshhhhht” from other embarrassed visitors.
I reckon the kiwi is not going extinct because of introduced predators, but because the locals just kick the shit out of a kiwi whenever they see one. It’s just instinct; it’s just natural; it has a proportionally giant ass on two short legs on the perfect kicking height and it always bends over.

Kea’s are very, very intelligent parrots living in New Zealand, we were fortunate to see some on a parking spot. They are not nice animals, they amuse themselves ripping the plastic of screen wipers and destroying plastic cabriolet rooftops. The thoroughly hated parrot is also known for ripping the kidneys out of sheep thus killing them. In the winter when food is scarce they land on a sheep’s back and start digging into the sheep. The record stands at 65 sheep killed in a single sitting. No wonder there are only 3000 kea’s left in the world as they were intensely hunted.

Akaroa and the dumb dolphin

East of Christchurch lays the town of Akaroa. On Google earth you can clearly see it's a giant ancient volcano in the sea. That must have been a really rather large bang.
It’s a very green area with lots of hills, sheep, bays and coves. Akaroa is an old French settlement, street names and family names remind the visitor of its origins. (It is said that if the French settlers’ boat would have reached New Zealand just two weeks, just before James Cook, the Islands would have been under French influence).
We came here to swim with dolphins, the Hector dolphins to be exact.In the water I hold Emmanuelle and we turn round and round, she extends her arm and a dolphin follows her hand not further away than 10 cms. After spinning long enough to make us sick, we swim for about an hour with them. The captain sees us turn blue with hypothermia and decides to call it a day. Cruising back, we have a couple of dolphins riding the bow wave. Now, Now, the Hector dolphin, unlike the Dusky dolphin, is not known for its acrobatics but somehow they wanted us to have a show. They jump up in front of the boat, (the boat is doing about 30 kph) quite close actually… really close... too close. I see a Dolphin jumping out of the water just in from of the boat, Emmanuelle takes a picture and realizes the particular dolphin made a mistake and says: Uh-oh! The dolphin crashes against the boat and Emmanuelle’s foot with a loud bang. That stupid animal miscalculated its jump and must have hurt itself. The Hector dolphin is almost extinct and now we know why. We really enjoyed this day!

Hailstorms

I was not aware of this, but Brisbane gets quite heavy storms in November. To give you an idea: last week there were hailstones the size of Cricket balls falling from the sky. Let me repeat that: the size of cricket balls!A colleague of mine has a boat which was blown out of his garage. Another colleague lost part of the roof of his house. My boss' view from his living room was always obstructed by a small forest. That forest is now half gone. My boss was actually quite happy with the storms until a few days ago when his kitchen was flooded.

Melbourne

Today I'm flying to Melbourne, I'll have to be there from Monday morning to Sunday Evening, so here's an excellent opportunity to bring Emmanuelle along to this cosmopolitan city. Cosmopolitan... that is the only word you hear about Melbourne: Cosmopolitan. Even the Lonely Planet tells you it's a fantastic city because it is sooo cosmopolitan. When I asked my boss' wife, who adores Melbourne, what's so great about it, she answered straight away: "it's so Cosmopolitan".
After a week of hard work, the weekend and my wife arrives. Yay!. Time to explore the city, although I have to work on Saturday and Sunday. Friday night we go to a cafe with live music and dance a bit till 2 am. The next day Emmanuelle goes to explore the city and confirms the city is very cosmopolitan. That night we're off to the biggest Casino in the southern hemisphere with a couple of Emmanuelle's colleagues. The casino is not large, it is huge! You could land a plane in there it is so big, we go to sleep at 3 am.
All in all, Melbourne is a pretty city with lots of stuff for people who like cities. And yes, it is quite cosmopolitan, whatever that means.

Philadelphia

Today I have to fly to Philadelphia USA. That's half a world away. It is a long flight, and to give you an idea: You sit down, wait for 45 minutes to take off, get a beer, watch a movie, get lunch, watch another movie aaaaannnddd... still 10 hours to fly.
It's a 14hour flight to L.A. and then another 6 hours to Philadelphia. Bloody hell, oh, well I got very lucky as I had 3 seats to myself.
Interestingly I left on Sunday morning 11:00 and I arrived in Los Angeles on Sunday morning 07:00, Travelling back in time(!).
In Philadelphia I put on 2 kgs in one week eating waaay to much hamburgers, giant steaks and humongous portions of french fries.
After a week of work, (I got through my jet lag on Thursday) it's time to fly out again. Driving to Philadelphia airport we were lucky to dodge a couple of deers that were running on the motorway toward is, almost an accident! They call them suicide deers as it happens quite often that a car or truck kills them.
The way back is interesting as well, I left on Sunday morning and I arrived in Brissie on Tuesday morning. I still don't know how to put that lost Monday in my time sheet :o)

Byron bay

Anybody visiting us in October and we'll take you to Byron Bay. The lighthouse, as with most lighthouses in this world, was built after 2 boats sank of the coast. The lighthouse is on the most easterly point of Australia and the views are absolutely gorgeous.

We see dolphins surfing in the waves and jump around, whales close by and in the distance (we count about 35). A couple of sea kayakers are so close to the whales they try to touch them with their hands.

4 x 4 beached as...

Today I'm really happy; I get to drive a huge 4x4: it's a brand-spanking-new Toyota Land Cruiser and I'm going to drive it on the beach. My boss, his wife a couple of colleagues Emma and I are going for a beach run.
I hit the beach at 40 kph, confident my giant all terrain terror of the beach will plough through it. After all I have deflated the wheels and I've locked the wheels in 4x4 mode.
Vroooaaaarrrr! puttiputtiputti pet...
What's this? it doesn't go, I get bogged within 40 meters of hitting the beach. WTF?!A couple of regulars: guys that do the beach thing all the time, watch, grin, and start talking:
- Mate, you got yer gearbox set to 4x4?
- Yeah!
- Mate, you ain't got it set to 4x4.
- You're sure?
- Mate, your front wheels ain't turning, mate.
- Really?
- Fair dinkum mate.
Fuckerthefuck they're right, I feel bad and step on the gas so hard, I must have ejected sand into the stratosphere.

We drive for half an hour or so, and find the perfect spot on the beach. Champagne, beer, fishing rods and chips. Perfect let's fish. After a day where rain showers passed us left and right, the rain-gods figure they've been nice enough and open up the hose. It's raining cats and dogs and we choose not to fight the elements. Besides, it'll be high tide in an hour or so and you have to get off the beach.
We find a restaurant in Noosa and have a good meal.

Millmerran

About 4 hours west of Brissie lies Millmerran, a very small town. Nothing much happening here except brown snakes, zillions of rabbits and quadrizillions of kangaroos.
But then a few years back, it happened, coal was discovered and lots of it. The power plant I visited is built on its own lands and underneath lies enough coal to power the station for the next 160 years at full throttle.

They excavate about 3m of top soil and after that lies 6m of coal, and it's quite good quality as well. The 850 Mwatt plant runs 24/7 and during the night the entire complex is managed by 3 people.
I went there for a couple of days and felt super welcome. I was invited to a restaurant 3 times and had good fun.

We had to take a car for 45 minutes to get to the nearest restaurant. On the way the driver, a true Aussie, kills a couple of rabbits on purpose. Of course chocking to me, but here they try to kill them whenever they can, there are just too many of them.

The whales are still here

It's still whale season here at Brisbane and as a little gift to my wife we went to see them.
The whale were a bit uncooperative the first hour, they didn't seem to care too much about us and kept a 100 meter distance.
Suddenly 2 adults joined the group and we got the grand-show, the whale smashed its tail on the water about 50 times and breached (jumped) twice. Wwwoooooaaaawww.

A new Passport

It's that time again, passport renewal time. This time in Brisbane Australia. The sun is up and it's beautiful day, I smile while walking to the consulate and the people smile back at me. I walk into the consulate, a very small office.
To be read through Dutch eyes:

- Haauw arg joe sseur?
- Not too bad (translates: really freaking good mate)

- Vie arg ferry biezie, joe must veetabit.
- You're all right (translates: you bloody tosser, I hate waiting)

- Jess, zèr arg toe piepel veeting
- Two? (translates: what's this daft git all about: 5 minutes and I'll be out of here, yay!)

After about 45 minutes. (yes, 45 minutes...)

- Hoez nekst?
- That'd be me! (translates: anybody cuts in line, dies right here, right now)

- Joe vant a niejoe paspoort?
- That's right. (translates: well observed, Sherlock)

- Joe must let make a foto.
- Must let make? (translates: Oh boy, this monkey doesn't speak English)
- Jes, must let make!

After about 20 minutes while waiting for my freaking pictures.

- voed you filin zis formulier?
- okay. (translates: do I have a freaking choice?)

Another 20 minutes later

- sseur?
- Yes? (translates- what the flip-flying-fuck have I been waiting 20 minutes for?)

- zèt vilbie 150$
- 150$ ?! (translates: 150 bucks! you bloodsucking maggot!)

- jes, ent joe vil hève to veet srie wieks.
- Three weeks?! (translates- fuck off mate, get real!)

- I hoop joe hèff a koed deej!
- Thanks (translates- I hope you don't, you bastard)

Needless to say that the Brisbane honorary consult is a old wanker who gets paid too much and who should have retired 130 years ago.
I have to go to Philadephia in a month, so I really hope my passport comes through by then.

Capital City

So why does Australia have this silly capital city called canberra?

Well here we go. Melbourne was the capital of Australia for quite a while, but the Sydneysiders (inhabitants of Sydney) as they are said: "hey guys, our city is greater, better, bigger and just lovely. We're the Capital!". to which the Melbournians replied: "bugger that and bugger off mate, we're it, and you're not." The Sydneysiders insisted and so did the Melbournians. This stand off lasted for quite a while and suited the Melbournians just fine. ("gni gni gni", they said, "we're still it").

But then a Solomoneske bloke said: "well if you're not going to play nice, the new capital shall be: Canberra". "Canberra?!" The Melbournians and Sydneysides yelled out. "But that's just a village." And the Melbournians added: "that Village is in New South Wales, just like Sydney, that's not fair. We should find another village in Victoria -Melbournes state- and name that our new capital".
The Canberrans, quick to realize the exploitability of the situation, said: "why not create a mini state or territory around us?". And so it happened: the Australian capital is neither Sydney, nor Melbourne, neither does it sit in New South Wales or victory. The Austrlian Capital Territory was created around Canberra and is now (since 1988 a self governing entity).

Melbourne:	Down one Capital City status
Victoria:	Down one Capital City
Austrlia:	Gained one territory (Australian Capital territory)
Sydney:	Gained nothing, lost nothing
New South Wales:	Down lots of surface to a new territory
Canberra:	Big winner, from idiot village to Capital City.
World:	Up a good laugh at this silly story.

Motorcycle license

Well, a few people are not going to be happy reading this: We got our motorcycle licenses! Yaaaay.
After a few lessons we went for our test and now we are deemed competent.

So after a few hours of fooling around on a parking, we take the road.
It starts out pretty bad: one of the students stalls, the driving instructor moves over to stop to wait and Emmanuelle ignores his feverish gestures to stop also, and continues down the road. I can see the instructor is dissapointed.

Now: this is what should probably scare you: we took 2 hours of theory, 8 hours of practical and 'hey-presto', one 'unlimited' bike license each.

I had been told that you'd probably get your license with a box of corn-flakes, but this is really quick. Cool, so now, all I need is a shit load of money to buy Emmanuelle the bike she likes (a BMW) and buy me a Suziki.

Kiwis and Kangaroos

The Australians (Kangaroos) and Kiwis (New Zealanders) have something of a discord between them, not only shown during Rugby matches.Its the same thing as the Norwegians and Swedes have or Dutch and Belgians. One has a distinct feeling of superiority over the other and the other feels that the first are cheap, loud and egoistic. Very funny and all in good fun. For example, if an Australian does not pay a round of beers when its his shout, the Kiwis will say he's doing an Australian Haka. (Picture the Australian searching for his wallet in his backpockets, then his frontpockets, then his breast pockets in a New Zealand Haka style.

However, a very offending animation has just been released that threatens the very foundation of southern hermisphere peace.This animation depicts the very thing that Kangaroos laugh about when making fun of kiwis, its aimed mainly at the Kiwi accent. This animation almost made me wet my pants. It is very funny.Enjoy brew!

River Festival,

An armada of ships makes its way up the river. Thousands flock toward the river shores. IT's River Festival!!

Today there are free BBQ's and beer is shared among friends.
We're having beers and Chips at the StoryBridge Hotel and planes are flying over in formation. At dusk we make our way to the Kangaroo Point bar where a couple of friends await us.The fireworks go off on 5 different barges across the river, off the highest towers and off the bridge. I have never seen so much fireworks going off at once! It lasted for about 30 minutes and at the end a F1-11 swoops in from the sky, flies low over the river and Dumps & Burns his fuel.The sound was as strong as the force was strong with Luke Skywalker.
A lovely evening for sure.